You know, it’s actually nice to get back to the simple life. I spent so long being this crazy supervillain that I forgot it can actually be relaxing to grind away at a real job, day in, day out. Everyone knows me as the Dirge, the unintelligent supervillain who speaks in the third person, but the true me is completely different. I wasn’t always that way. I used to be a regular guy named Byron Dirgely, running his own commercial tinting business. After that whole mess with the Next Top Office town being destroyed, I figured it was time to lie low for a while. I’ve started Dirgely’s Tinting Galore back up again, and business is booming.

I had to leave because Space Wizard had it out for me. I don’t know what I did to deserve it, but I know he would have destroyed me had I stayed in Sweden, Victoria. He’ll never think to check my old store, though. So, for now, I’ll get back into the swing of things and take a little break from being a supervillain. I’ll let the others deal with Space Wizard going rogue. Sure, I might lose my position as Melbourne’s most feared supervillain, but perhaps it’s time somebody else stepped up anyway. Who knows, maybe Dr Dark McBane will manage to have a single plan go right, now that I’m not there to take credit for it. I doubt it, though. He’s a bit of a fool, that McBane.

Office window tinting for Melbourne buildings is a fantastic business if you know what you’re doing. My father started Dirgely’s Tinting Galore forty years ago, and I think I’d be doing him proud. He’s not dead or anything. He’s just serving a life sentence in prison for becoming Melbourne’s first supervillain. Back in 1982, he tried to use a mind-control gas to take over the city, but it failed horribly. Still, I’m trying to follow in his footsteps, running the family business and being a successful supervillain. Hopefully he’s proud of me, from his supermax prison off the coast of Western Australia.