Racing for Earth

This is an announcement for all puny Earthlings. I, Nitrous Dioxyde, have come to your pathetic planet to claim it as my own. I am the fastest driver in the universe, and now challenge your best drivers to a race for the future of your world. If I win, your planet becomes a parking lot […]

Shops Need Air Con

Fridays are always busy at work. It’s good, I have to do the ‘open til closed’ shift at the sandwich shop and time always flies by. I think the constant rush of people and running around like headless chickens helps time go by. We have a lot of regular customers which is nice. Everyone is […]

Dirgely’s Tinting Galore

You know, it’s actually nice to get back to the simple life. I spent so long being this crazy supervillain that I forgot it can actually be relaxing to grind away at a real job, day in, day out. Everyone knows me as the Dirge, the unintelligent supervillain who speaks in the third person, but […]

Foot Struggle

Like every year, at the start of this year I made a New Years resolution that I promised myself I would stick to. Unlike every other year, however, I actually have stuck to this one. Usually I would make a resolution and be determined to stick to it, only to give up a month in […]

Granny Flat Out

I’ve always wanted a house with a granny flat. Why? I can’t rightly say. It’s not about stowing grannies; I’ll tell you that much. I don’t even have any grannies to stow. Nor is it about having more room. It’s something to do with having a space that’s separate from the rest of the house, […]

A Quest Begins

Today I embark on a journey. A journey like no other, like nobody has taken before. I’m going on a quest, the kind you only hear about in stories. There’s another world, hidden all around this one. A world of monsters and heroes. A world of magic. Every myth, every legend, has a basis in […]

Servicing, Intergalactic Style

New year, new me. That’s what they all say, and resolutions of the new year’s variety are notoriously fickle. For me, however, it’s going pretty well. I said to myself that I was going to be a little more adventurous and meet some new people after getting stuck in a rut in 2019…and so I […]

Dates in Cars

My first dates are always in the car. I think it’s a good way to test a potential partner’s qualities. Want to know if they panic easily? I threaten to run a red light or speed a little. Want to test their patience? As soon as the date starts, I let them know I need […]

Business of Aesthetics

I wish Cassie would just go and… I don’t know, read a magazine once in a while. She might be brilliant when it comes to things like optimising efficiency and solving Rubik’s cubes, but she has literally no aesthetic sensibility. Or if she does, it’s built entirely around functionality, which is all well and good […]

Sleep Sooner

Why won’t humans simply learn that they need to instigate the sleep cycle sooner? They drag themselves into the office, day after day, their eyelids twitching and their fingers grasping for caffeinated beverages that supposedly lighten the burden of sleep inertia. I cannot ingest and I certainly cannot experience chemical changes within my physiology, so […]