Butter Fingers Behind Wheel

Should’ve known that being clumsy would be my eventual downfall. It’s all well and good tipping over plant pots and banging your head on kitchen cupboards, but when you get behind the wheel of a car, things get serious. And things get REALLY expensive. I don’t have the absolute worst coordination and all my senses […]

Take Your Boat and Go!

I’ve been running this competition for thirty-seven years, and we’ve NEVER had to kick out a competitor. Never thought it would happen before I retired, either. Fishing is a sport of tranquillity, free from all of those foolish displays of rage so endemic to other sports. I was proud that we were a bastion in […]

Let There Be Light, And Also DDR

I think our art group may have peaked too early. People absolutely love the giant batteries we set up in the city centre, for so many great reasons. It lets them charge their devices, it gives them a place to get in some quick exercise on the bikes that generate the power, and it’s just […]

Hands Off the Conditioner!

I need to move out. Living with people is just not how the human race was made to operate, and I’ve never believed anything more. Okay, so, they all try to tell you that humans get lonely and they need company, someone to greet them at the door…um, that’s what public spaces are for. And […]

Oxygen Therapy is Probably the Better Option

I once spent seven days and nights on my knees, chanting in a sacred spell circle to bring forth a wave of frost to counteract the accursed heat-wave of the demon prince. Several of us died in the attempt, and I got a cramp for days. DAYS, afterwards!! Then I happen to be banished to […]

Just Some Tinting

Tinting is such a mystery. I came into the office on Monday and thought things seemed a little bit…off? My cubicle is quite far away from the windows, so I didn’t immediately notice. Then I happened to look around, and I fell right out of my chair, startling Tanika in the cubicle next to mine. […]

Finally, I Can Buy My Boat!

Pshh, sailing isn’t popular anymore…and that’s why i love it. I can’t get into anything popular, obviously. Popular is mainstream, and mainstream is unacceptable, which was particularly annoying recently, and I shall tell you why. I’d been sidling around the edge of boating for quite a while- because I found it to be relevant to […]

I’ll Keep Writing for the Kids, I Guess

Creative writing is tiring. That’s one thing I wish I knew before I finished uni and got a job in it, like…three days after my final exam. All my other arts graduate friends were partying it up for months on end being unemployed, not having to go into work, living off their parents…and here’s me, […]

Property, not Secret Asssassinations

Like…what if I DON’T want to learn how to kill from the shadows? Have Mum and Dad ever thought of that? I get that yoga is a cool way to stay healthy and develop, like…what is it teacher says? ‘Situational awareness’? That’s when you’re aware of situations. And situations are everywhere, all the time. But […]

Working With Cars Was Actually Okay

Work experience was way more fun than I thought it’d be. When I first heard about it, and then they said that we’d have to write 2000 words on the experience, I basically died right there. I hate writing…give me maths any day. And that’s saying something because I hate maths as well. But now […]