Super Perfect Windows

The doors to our Gothic home, as it currently stands, just won’t do. I like many things about our mansion, but there’s plenty of room for improvement. For one thing, there just aren’t enough gargoyles. If we don’t get some gargoyles in there this instant, then we’re getting spirits just all over the place, and […]

Some Big Bugs

Every time I have to swat a fly, I say a little prayer of thanks for the fact that I live in the modern era. I’ve seen dinosaur bones, I’ve seen documentaries about how big things used to be, and so I can’t help but be overwhelmed with gladness. The flies in the prehistoric era […]

Double Air Con Trouble

How am I supposed to keep up with TWO reality TV shows about trades at once? It’s just silly. I know ‘The Great Australian Trade-Off’ has just started and ‘Jack of All Trades’ is in its semi-final week, but it’s just silly. This has to be some kind of scheduling error, especially since they both […]

Honk Honk, It’s Your Neighbour Hank

That’s right, it’s AI Month at the Futurist Club! Always an exciting time, and especially now that we have an entire month dedicated to them. The discussion always seemed to stretch on way too long, so we thought we’d make it official. At least people know what they’re in for. Artificial Intelligence is my favourite […]

Keep Out the Germs

I like flowers as much as anyone, but a hospital is a delicate place. Germs are everywhere, people with weak immune systems are also everywhere, and the two of them don’t mix. Not that we want to instigate a draconian policy where we have to frisk flowers at the door for signs of germ infection, […]

Butter Fingers Behind Wheel

Should’ve known that being clumsy would be my eventual downfall. It’s all well and good tipping over plant pots and banging your head on kitchen cupboards, but when you get behind the wheel of a car, things get serious. And things get REALLY expensive. I don’t have the absolute worst coordination and all my senses […]

Take Your Boat and Go!

I’ve been running this competition for thirty-seven years, and we’ve NEVER had to kick out a competitor. Never thought it would happen before I retired, either. Fishing is a sport of tranquillity, free from all of those foolish displays of rage so endemic to other sports. I was proud that we were a bastion in […]

Let There Be Light, And Also DDR

I think our art group may have peaked too early. People absolutely love the giant batteries we set up in the city centre, for so many great reasons. It lets them charge their devices, it gives them a place to get in some quick exercise on the bikes that generate the power, and it’s just […]

Hands Off the Conditioner!

I need to move out. Living with people is just not how the human race was made to operate, and I’ve never believed anything more. Okay, so, they all try to tell you that humans get lonely and they need company, someone to greet them at the door…um, that’s what public spaces are for. And […]

Oxygen Therapy is Probably the Better Option

I once spent seven days and nights on my knees, chanting in a sacred spell circle to bring forth a wave of frost to counteract the accursed heat-wave of the demon prince. Several of us died in the attempt, and I got a cramp for days. DAYS, afterwards!! Then I happen to be banished to […]