My eyes literally feel like they are on fire. I’ve been reading provisions from the Wizard of Window Replacement for ten hours now. I’ve got at least another ten hours to go. I had to pull an all-nighter just to get through half, so that I can enter this contract with the wizard. He went […]

You know, it’s actually nice to get back to the simple life. I spent so long being this crazy supervillain that I forgot it can actually be relaxing to grind away at a real job, day in, day out. Everyone knows me as the Dirge, the unintelligent supervillain who speaks in the third person, but […]

Why won’t humans simply learn that they need to instigate the sleep cycle sooner? They drag themselves into the office, day after day, their eyelids twitching and their fingers grasping for caffeinated beverages that supposedly lighten the burden of sleep inertia. I cannot ingest and I certainly cannot experience chemical changes within my physiology, so […]

The doors to our Gothic home, as it currently stands, just won’t do. I like many things about our mansion, but there’s plenty of room for improvement. For one thing, there just aren’t enough gargoyles. If we don’t get some gargoyles in there this instant, then we’re getting spirits just all over the place, and […]

Tinting is such a mystery. I came into the office on Monday and thought things seemed a little bit…off? My cubicle is quite far away from the windows, so I didn’t immediately notice. Then I happened to look around, and I fell right out of my chair, startling Tanika in the cubicle next to mine. […]