This Reenactment Will See Us as the Victors

Ideally, I think I’d want my armour to be ready by sometime next week. Well, I say ‘ready’. That’s the basics all done, after which I can begin the more intense process of crafting and molding it into a fearsome piece of ultimate protection.

And they said that the Melbourne Tradesperson Annual Medieval Reenactment Gathering wasn’t serious business! It’s the MOST serious business. For every other day of the year, we spend the whole time working as normal, going about our days, using our aluminium toolboxes like you would a regular toolbox, filled with tools, tools of the trade, tools FOR the trade, trade-tools. And then, for one glorious day, we all get together in medieval dress and pretend that we’re back in the middle ages. That is most definitely a thing that happens, for sure, and it happens every single year. And for that short time, our aluminium toolboxes and tools become mighty titans of industry, albeit a faux battle where we reenact famous scuffles from history. The idea is that we have to use tools from our various trades to create factions, so I’ll be getting together with all the guys from the general handyman trade and we can use basically whatever we want. Last year we chose Barnaby as our champion for the duel, and he was…disappointing. We crafted him armour from an old ute canopy, with a blunt sword made from leftover toolboxes, but he got knocked out in the first round to the Plumbing Guild. I mean, to be fair, there’s not much you can do against the power of a re-purposed drainage pipe and full-coverage of all limbs.

I’m this year’s champion, however, and we’re going to win for sure. I even had to transfer the toolbox central locking I had one one box to another, just so I could use this one for my shield. But a great shield it is. The handymen are going to win the tournament, and establish ourselves as the greatest tradespeople of the modern/ancient era.