Oh great, they’re rebooting ANOTHER beloved show and apparently butchering it. I was born far too late to enjoy ‘The Buff Boat’, which is all about people on a seemingly never-ending cruise where they learn to get fit, eat healthy, participate in bodybuilding contests and have all kinds of affairs. But I just watched some old videos that my parents had stashed away, and I fell in love with the series and its nuanced portrayal of life on board a ship where everyone is up at 5:30 to go jogging and eat a healthy, balanced breakfast with chia seeds.

Ah, that classic theme…’The buuuuuff boat…soon we’ll be flexing our massive guns….the buuuuff boat…make a great playlist for your run…’

And now it’s all about the boat. Like, I understand that some people might want to know where to get the  best anchor winch servicing Melbourne has to offer – if you have a boat right now, go get that done NOW. But this isn’t even a sponsorship thing. Someone on the writing staff must be crazy about boats, and he’s shoved in proper boat maintenance talk at every opportunity. The second scene in the very first episode introduced us to Jason and Lenore, who I guess are going to be our ‘star’ couple. They struck up a conversation while they were doing dead-lifts, but after introducing themselves the conversation suddenly veered into a stern lecture from Lenore about how her father was lost at sea because he never got his anchor winch fixed, and how easy it is to make an anchor winch repair booking right now. She didn’t SAY that, exactly, but it was implied and it ruined the scene.

It’s not like the Buff Boat is going to a Melbourne outboard motor servicing company. It’s a cruise ship; most viewers don’t actually own one of those. So, instantly, I’m not endeared to this new version. Too much technical boat talk, and did we NEED that warbling story from the captain about how essential oils changed his workout routine forever? No, I don’t think we did.

-Ingrid