Health

Silence, Child Genius

Oh yeah, because what I needed in my life today was to be condescended to by an eleven-year-old. I woke up this morning and said “golly, wow, I desperately need the experience in my life of being passively belittled by a smiling grade five child”.

That’s not true. That never actually happened. I never wake up like that, and I certainly did not do so this morning, but that’s what happened. I got drafted into an excursion at my Mum’s school because they didn’t have enough adults…an excursion to a hospital. They’ve been learning about diseases all term, because sure, that’s normal. Then on the bus, one of the kids leans over the seat and says to me “Hey, do you know how to prevent fungal nail infection?”

I should’ve told him to do up his seat-belt, but instead I engaged with the smart child. Rookie mistake, and not one I plan to make next time.

Anyway, he’d been doing a project on fungal nails and onychomycosis and all kinds of ailments. Athlete’s foot, I DO know. Don’t really know what it entails, but I know of…it. Its existence. I said I knew it and I got regaled for half an hour (because it couldn’t be a local hospital, NO) while the bus was travelling. Like, this kid was just rattling of stats and figures on why the podiatry bookings in Melbourne have risen by 62% in the last ten years because people just neglect their need for custom orthotics and do I know anything about custom orthotic fittings?

No, child, I do not. My feet are fine, which is why I’ve never encountered them. But please, continue to make me feel small by telling me all about them and asking six-quadrillion questions that I cannot answer.

And then, I stubbed my toe on a gurney while we were touring the hospital. You better believe this set him off again.

-Mick