I once spent seven days and nights on my knees, chanting in a sacred spell circle to bring forth a wave of frost to counteract the accursed heat-wave of the demon prince. Several of us died in the attempt, and I got a cramp for days. DAYS, afterwards!!

Then I happen to be banished to the mortal realm for the teeny, tiny little crime of maybe putting a little proximity spell upon the king’s lavatory after he demolished my tower to make way for his summer palace. What happened in the lavatory is unimportant, except for the fact that the king couldn’t sit on his throne for a week afterwards. Then I get a home in the mortal realm, I flick a switch…and cold air comes right out of the wall. Not a single spell circle in sight. WHAT.

They have such ways. For example, in this great city they call Melbourne, oxygen therapy services can cause a person to breathe like they’d just swallowed an air sprite and it was trying to escape. I learned this when I had my wallet stolen (that’s a small piece of fabric that holds important things, like currency). I tried casting a spell of speed upon my legs, but failed to realise that it had not taken effect until I had run several miles and collapsed against a lamppost. Some kind person called the ambulance, I was given some rather excellent oxygen therapy and the doctor told me that I needed to improve my cardio. Too much time sitting in spell circles, obviously…but perhaps he’s right. Medical science here is primitive, but also advanced in its own strange way. For example, doctors neglect to use leeches and potions, but they do wash their hands and I suppose injections are potions that are given in a different way. And of course, there’s the hyperbaric oxygen therapy. Melbourne providers can even create portable units for your home, although I shall not pretend to understand how the air from your lungs can be carried around like any common talisman. Some people with asthma carry around air sprites trapped in bottles, which is efficient, but…well, at least with hyperbaric medicine, no living thing must be sacrificed.