I’m so over making dinner on this little camp cooker. But if this is what it takes to get the dream kitchen, I’m willing to stick it out. I think it’s about halfway installed now – not that I’m looking too closely. I reckon it’s in my best interests to remain detached until it’s finished; otherwise I’m going to get all caught up in whether or not it’s on track, instead of just trusting the kitchen installation professionals to do it right.

I wouldn’t even mind the camp cooking that much if it wasn’t for the fact that my sister and her kids are visiting from Dubai, so I’m cooking for them as well, and they’re snobby as all get out. I told Lorraine that now wasn’t the time for a visit, but she went ahead and planned it anyway. I can’t understand why she does these things, beyond the fact that she has a personal nutritional chef, a cleaner and a tutor for her kids who also takes them to gymnastics practice. She has no notion of how your average Melbourne household works.

If I’m honest, Lorraine and I are less different than I’d like to admit. I guess that’s why I’m getting this state-of-the-art, designer kitchen renovation. Melbourne homes might not have in-house staff as a matter of course, but they do tend to have very nicely designed kitchen, and that’s something I can’t help but get behind. If only Lorraine could have made her trip for a couple of weeks from now! Everything would be rosy, she’d be impressed, and I wouldn’t be trying to create a formal dinner on two hot plates and with no bench space.

It’s true – we were both brought up to value high-end hospitality and to impress house guests with the very best in all things domestic. Maybe that’s why I’m so bothered about this situation. Maybe Lorraine doesn’t even care.