Hair

The Big Competition

Those Hair-olympics are coming up again, and soon. Last time they were held was unfortunately at the exact same time as the other, more popular Olympics, so they didn’t get much coverage and the organisers of the event decided it wasn’t worth it. Shame, since there were so many great hairstyles on display, and the winner shaped her subject’s hair into a helicopter that somehow managed to spin its blades like a real one. Probably some sort of witchcraft involved there, then.

But now a benefactor has donated to allow us to hold them again, this time in Amsterdam, and I’ve been appointed head of the Australian team.

Now…there are hairdressers from all over Australia wanting to qualify for the elite squad, but here’s my non-PC opinion: I think hair salons open here in Melbourne are just a bit better. Not that I’m saying I could never be wowed by a stylist from Sydney, and I’m sure there are a few diamonds in the rough down there in Perth. But Australia…well, it’s always been known to be quite utilitarian. Whatever hair works, and can be kept out of your eyes, all of that. Here in Melbourne, people have been able to flourish with the atmosphere of artistic advancement, and we have created wonderful styles allowing for an expression of one’s inner being that I just KNOW will carry us to victory at the upcoming Hairolympics. And this is an important competition, as well; it’s the first of the event’s rebirth, and we have to make a powerful impression.

So that’s my reasoning. I know every single hairdresser, Melbourne CBD┬áhas some of the best in the country, I know their skills and abilities. Anyone is free to apply, but I make the final decision. And I’ll be making the decision that’ll lead us to victory. I’m confident that we’ll be victorious again!